Cats and Dogs

This week me and hubby have been into it. Country folks say “into it” which essentially means you are having an “issue” with someone. Well me and hubby are into it this week. Last week, we were loving each other. But this week, I can’t stand him! We go through our phases. Our love and hate weeks…

But this week, I’m the one that is beefing and he is the one with the, “I don’t know what the hell your attitude is for, but I’m not kissing your spoiled African ass, so if you wanna walk round this joint with your nose in the air, that’s fine with me, but bitch you better have my sandwich ready when I’m hungry though…” Of course this is something I’m assuming he is saying in his mind. He is smart enough to not say it out loud. And he better keep it that way unless he wants to see his kids two weekends out the month…

I have been feeling very BLAH this week…. And it’s a laundry list of reasons why I feel this way, but I just really don’t have much time to lay it all out on the table… and at this point, I really just want to be miserable! Let me be miserable damn it! And I just want him to deal with me abusing him and using him as a punching bag! He is my husband! This is what he is there for! Why can’t he just deal with it and be a passive, submissive husband…. DAYUM.

But NO! He wants to stand his ground and act like a thug and be all hard and shit… When we pass each other in the hall way while we are “into it”, we just pass each other and don’t say anything, but since that is so unusual and we ALWAYS say or do something when we pass each other in that lil ass hallway, (ie. Poke him in the butt, or he grabs a left breast, or he tries to clip me so that I will trip)…it’s just a lil strange… to not say anything while passing each other.

In those few seconds while we’re passing each other, it feels like we’re in some dark New York alley… and I’m the clean, elegant lost cat that’s looking for her way back to my owners penthouse, and he is the dingy, raggedy dog with dreaded up dog hair that’s going through the trash looking for his next meal…

And I’m the alley looking at this dingy mutt with my back arched and my face all scrunched up just READY for this mangy animal to come one step closer so I can slice and dice him with one finger…. And the mutt is growling at me with his NASTY saliva mouth… That’s how it feels in those short seconds in the hallway…

I go through these lil funks from time to time and he definitely has his mood swings as well… And he definitely did try to figure out what was wrong with me and I just played it off like nothing was wrong and his questions were annoying me…….but in the middle of the week, I had figured out what was wrong, I was just too prideful to share…

So when he would ask, “Baby, what is wrong with you? Why are you looking like that?”

My response would be, “What’s wrong is that I’m sick and tired of your funky ass not picking up after these dingy ass SOCKS that you keep leaving around this bitch…… so that I can be your personal servant to pick them hoes up! I’m still annoyed as hell that I have to TELL you to take the damn trash out… just take the shit out! You do the same shit week to week…. Why the hell do I have to remind you of this shit EVERY damn week?!?! And if I can see your hairy black ass face, then you should have looked in the mirror by now… So when in the hell are you going to shave that rusty ass beard off your face?? That’s just UGLY!”

And he just stands there… looking like a canon that’s about to explode…and I’m waiting for him to haul off and punch me in my two front teeth… but instead he walks away with his fists clinched… and in my mind I should be thinking, “Oh NO… I really did it now!” but instead, I’m thinking, “F U asshole!! Get yo bitch ass outta here!”….. I know… that’s wrong, but at least I don’t say it out loud… all the time…

The sad reality is I KNOW what’s wrong and I should just say this to him…

“Baby!!!! I wanna go to LA with you next week to the semi-celeb wedding!” (he is a groomsmen for one of his NFL buddies who is marrying a semi-celeb… I guess she would be a celeb in the black community… and the wedding is supposed to be one of those typical over the top weddings…. I mean the DJ for the wedding is Kid Capri for crying out loud! And the bridesmaids are these reality star sisters that are famous for….. I’m not sure what they are famous for, but they are famous….. and my husband may be walking in the wedding with one of the sisters OR one of Lil Wayne’s many baby mamas!) “I wanna go!....I wanna go to see celebs and Kid Capri and fly on a plane for 4 hours to California since I’ve never been and see the stars on the ground in Hollywood and take pictures of EVERYTHING so I can post them on Facebook and front for everyone like I really hang with these people on a regular basis!”

But I can’t go… because I have to work, and I have two daughters that need to be taken care of and we don’t have anyone that we can drop them off to for a few days AND because the plane ticket was too expensive… So I will sit here in Buford, GA and be a well behaved working mom… while he is in LA with all the posers of the world…… that’s alright though… cause soon and very soon… I will be there in LA… and I will be POSER #1!!! And everyone is going to be boo hoo crying because they can’t afford to come to my pleasant upscale event in Boise, Idaho!

But in the meantime, I will be a good mommy to these kids and be a lil nicer to this wonderful man (who just so happened to walk over to me while I was writing this and said, “Since you haven’t done this in a while, I will do it for you.” And then kissed me on my cheek…)

That kiss from my prince just brought me back to reality like the Princesses from the Disney movies… My reality is…. I’m lucky, my life is great and my time will soon come….