Out on the town...

I don't go to the club very often and to be honest, I really don't have much of a desire to go at all. I live about 45 minutes away from all the night life and that commute back and forth is BEAST enough to keep me in the house. Some people think it sucks to live in the burbs.... shittin me... I wouldn't have it ANY other way. I have EVERYTHING I need within a 5 mile radius...including a public school where my child doesn't have to worry about being capped her first day of kindergarten. Yeah I know... she might be one of the only few "brown" kids in her class... but that's fine with me because although there may not be many blacks in her classes, there is a wealth of diversity! Asians, Arabs and the white folks too... that's diverse enough to me. And I don't mind her hanging around the Asians and Arabs anyway.... you KNOW they are good at math and science... I need her to role with them because I was always in remedial math classes... Besides, she gets all the ethnicity she needs from me and her Pappie... If you haven't noticed yet, I can be a tad bit "ethnic"...

Whoa... talk about going off on a tangent... ANYhow, I rarely go out to the clubs here in ATL. I much rather go to a lounge, a friends house, dinner and things of that nature..... Places where you can actually hold a conversation and be social.... I'm a social kinda lady...I don't like to go to raggedy places and locations... I save those raggedy, hole in the wall places for special occasions like..... when a girlfriend comes into town or someone is having a birthday.... I don't want always be in places where people are grabbing your elbow and saying, "Eh gal, let me holla atcha for a minute"...places where you have to worry about where you parked because there are ENTIRELY too many Negros hanging around outside... places where you walk in smelling like Dolce and Gabana and come out smelling like ass and ashtray... I really don't like going to these kinds of establishments at all, but I will definitely go every now and again...
Besides, what the hell does a happily married woman with two kids have ANY business doing in the club every weekend?!? And I'm not saying that if you're married then you shouldn't be clubbing...... all I'm saying is that if you get dolled up and go to the club every weekend and you're not dancing, then you're there looking for something. And as a married woman, I found what I was looking for, so I don't need to be two stepping with a drink in the club every weekend. I much rather be at home every other Saturday night falling asleep on the sofa with this grizzly bear of mine...

WHOA..... another tangent.... my apologies...

Well recently, I went to dinner and the club for my girlfriend's 29th birthday. We went this uppity restaurant and I ordered the breaded chicken... I ordered that because it was the only thing I understood on the menu... $18 for some breaded chicken ......and it didn't even come with some damn mash potatoes! You had to pay six extra bucks for a side of mash! Well I'll be damned... this is why I just go to restaurant chains like Cheesecake Factory! You pay $15 for a meal there, and you have enough left overs to eat for the next 3 days!! My other friend ordered some lamb. THIRTY freakin dollars for some damn lamb... with no sides... I know that the lamb was pretty big but damn, for $30, they coulda thrown some fries on the plate or SOMETHING!

But here is the kicker... Pearl had a yummy red velvet cake that one of her co-workers made for her. They brought the cake to the restaurant so that we could have some after dinner.... DO YOU KNOW... that these fuckers at this restaurants charged TWO DOLLARS per person to cut the cake in the kitchen and serve it on a plate?!??! It was called a "cake dish" fee. What a crock! The host of this birthday dinner was better than me, because I woulda told Tony (or whatever the waiter's name was) to bring me a plastic knife and some paper towels... hell, I would have even went to the bathroom and got some toilet paper to lay the pieces on! And as far as I'm concerned, we didn't even need forks! I'm from Africa... we are used to using our hands to eat our food...

Here is the restaurant... I can't even say the name of this place... Man I tell ya... these ATL black woman sure are siddity! Trying to be all fancy and shit... We could have eaten like kings and gotten drunk off our asses for a fraction of the cost at Applebee's! But it was her birthday, so I guess I understand. Luckily, Pearls significant other was there too and he was gracious enough to pay the bill! That was the highlight of my night! Because I ordered like THREE cokes and you KNOW places like this DO NOT give free refills...

Anyhow, off to the club we go... we drove around to a few places and couldn't decide where we were going... All that driving around and looking for a place to have a good time made me realize that I'm getting old. I was nodding off and trying to pretend like I was really engaged in conversation... I was so tired that I felt like I was going to slip into a coma.....  we eventually landed in this place called LIVE, and it was far from that... The only thing that was live about this place was all the koonery and bafoonery I was able to capture on my camera while I was there... Here are the pics with a brief description to explain the madness.

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Look at this shit... This woman was on the dance floor dancing by herself to a slow jam... Bending over, opening her legs and letting everyone get front and back shots of her bidness... Just LOOK at her crotch... doesn't it just look like it would smell like expired milk??... weeks later and miles away from that club..........and I can still smell it... And now, I have an overwhelming desire to take a shower. GROSS!

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And look at this L-A-M-E-O and Lame-O was his Name-O! How DARE you come in the club with this extra young smedium shirt, cargo shorts, dirty white sneakers AND some Men In Black shades on??? And he has the nerve to keep the shades on in the dark ass club AND read a text message!?!?! Dude.... take your ass home to your wife and kids... you're trying too hard...

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 Next picture.....This is a sign of someone that needs a hug, a pastor or a male figure in their lives.

Whose child is this in the club??? Matter of fact, whose MAMA is this in the club?? There is nothing wrong with people backing it up and shakin something... but ya girl right here??!?.... She wanted EVERYONE to know... that she knows how to twirk something...     And look at buddy......he really thinks he is doing something special...

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NEXT.............He might as well have pulled out the condom right there in front of everyone right??

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She's still going!!! She's like the energizer bunny! Buddy got off the ride and she's still going at it!

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Now this is just sad. This is her desperate attempt to lure another guy to jump on it....

No one else did though... I assume the last guy that was on her notified the other dudes about the unusual smell on his pants... perhaps??

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I don't know how you women do it... I'm not a shoe freak like other women. Comfort will always comes before cuteness for me... This poor women in the picture was cute as hell, but was constantly having to adjust her shoes... and pretty much stayed still all night long! I don't need to work this hard and walk on stilts to be fabulous...cuteness comes easy for me...

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Look at this poor woman and how she was gripping and holding on to dear life to the bar! This man was all over her ass and tits and every other body part... She just stood there was obviously not enjoying the experience! And he kept dancing/groping harder and getting more aggressive.... probably assuming that she liked it. I'm sure he would have let her go if she just simply .... walked away. The only attempt she made to defend herself was when he pulled her dress up and she pulled it back down. I felt so bad for her and didn't understand why she was allowing him to do a lightweight sexual assult on her when there was so many people around. I wanted to help her out but if I did, then I probably would have missed out on this picture!

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Now look at this foolishness below. This is why the whites don't need to be hanging around blacks! We are a bad influence!! ... This woman was in the club with some of her black friends. She was obviously drunk off her ass. She was dancing like she was having sex with the air! And then she proceeded to remove her panties in the club!! Yes! It's true! I tried to elbow some people out of the way to capture the moment when she actually removed her panties right there on the dance floor...... in front of everyone else....... but I could only capture this part.... the part where she is bending over and showing the world her cervix! I mean, she has a nice butt and everything, but it's still a 40 something year old white woman's ass! There is a time and place for this... and this hole in the wall of a club was NOT the place and me having a camera in my hand was obviously NOT the good time for her... Where ever you are 40 year old white lady, I hope you're sober now and you've learned your lesson............ keep away from the blacks! They are NO GOOD I tell ya!!!

 (This IS a joke people... ligthen up!)

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And finally, the image that seemed to disturb and confuse me the most. After I got home, I kept looking at the picture over and over again. I was thinking and trying to figure out what was worse. A man in a wheelchair in an establishment like this....... OR, that I got to see a real life black Leprechaun...... still thinking....

OK! OK!........ YES! I know that was super mean... I just couldn't help myself! Now everyone bow your heads and pray that none of these people come to the suburbs looking for me!!!