Facebook Fast Over

So it’s August 1st and today is not only my mom’s 51st birthday, but it’s also the day I get to log back into Facebook. It’s an hour until midnight and I have yet to log in today. This is very surprising to me because Facebook used to be the first, last and everything in between thing that I did. When I first decided to do this fast, I thought it would be hard and everyday would be a struggle. But as the time came closer to log on, it’s like I wanted to extend the fast to a whole month. It’s been two weeks since I’ve logged on and I actually like the time I’ve had to myself to do other things like… Comb the dreads out of my kid’s hair or read through my 1, 546 unread emails (I only got through 400 of them) or watch a television show or cuddle up on the couch with the laundry or just THINK. Facebook was always the perfect way for me to not think about what I wasn’t accomplishing. Instead, I would just look at what everyone else was accomplishing or fronting like they were accomplishing. I’ve been on the internet several times today and a few times I would make my way to Facebook …and put in my email into the user name and then when I get to the password, I stop and go to a different Web site. I feel like an alcoholic who hasn’t had a drink in a while… opening and closing the cupboard to where all the Seagram’s gin is stashed…

I know you can’t really compare the two but you know what I mean… It’s like I want to… cause it what I’m used to and I feel like I’m missing out. But I DON’T want to because I don’t want to open the flood gates… and go back to where I used to be. Kinda like Paul Abdul’s old song, “Two steps forward and two steps back.” And I want to continue on this path of progression and figure some more things out about myself..... I feel like as entertaining as Facebook can be, in my case, it’s more of a hindrance than entertainment.

Perhaps maybe now that I have been without it for this long, I can manage my time on it better and actually use it for occasional mindless entertainment…… instead of using it as a time wasting escape from reality. Perhaps… the only way to find out is to log on now at 11:24pm and see what time I actually log off…

The lord works in mysterious ways. Hubby just sent me a message saying come to bed….. so perhaps I will find out when I log on tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that.